37 weeks, 1 day

It's hard not to be a little unnerved by the sudden quiet. She was so rambunctious just a week ago, but now it seems my bean is running out of room. There are still squirms and nudges, but what used to be a dojo is now more like a straitjacket. Occasionally a limb will transverse the equator of my belly. But overall the atmosphere is still.

I am becoming more anxious by the day - about the birth process, about things that could go wrong. I am haunted by tragic stories I read - about women who lose their babies unexpectedly due to umbilical cord mishaps, about stillbirth and SIDS and long, complicated labors resulting in distress and palsies.

I'm also anxious in more positive ways, though. I put together our fancy new Bugaboo Cameleon (a luxury vehicle, to be sure) and have been washing all of the tiny (tiny, tiny) little outfits and blankets and towels and toys we have acquired for her. I am attempting to visualize a future consistent with all reports - that it will be amazing, and that it will be exhausting. A future where I am realistically tired and short of time. Perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised. But in the meantime I'm bracing myself for what will certainly be a challenge, and maximizing leisurely time with loved ones.

Speaking of, The Fatherbeast is in nesting mode as well. Consistent with both folklore and science, dad is busy building new parts of the house as quickly as I can clean them. The patio has transformed into a welcoming oasis replete with fire pit, seating, dining area and grill. The nursery now contains a Romanesque lounge of futons suitable for kids and grownups. The kitchen actually has more than 4 cubic feet of work surface now!

The perfect way to inaugurate all of this splendor? A potluck feast with dear friends, of course. Last night was a little open house - We filled The Nest with old and new friends, played games and ate delicious food. With all of the hectic planning and lingering fears in my new-mom brain, this simple socialization felt unspeakably luxuriant. I'm looking forward to more such gatherings - with luck Nova will be the kind of baby who can comfortably pass out at a train station, music festival or house party. With our lifestyle she might not have a choice.

I have heard many times from many well-meaning souls how much our lives will change. And I don't doubt that this is the case. However, The Fatherbeast and I are fortunate to move in a fascinating, dynamic, creative and decadent circle of friends. There are some aspects of my existence that aren't available for modification, and anyone attached to my person will simply have to adapt.

Our people are like big children themselves (you know who you are): artists, circus clowns, mad scientists, rock stars. Half the fun of having a kid, for me, is knowing that she will become the smallest new member of a community of Seriously Weird People. I can't wait to see the woman she will become, having been raised in a village such as ours. So, of course some things will change. But some things absolutely will not. I like to think that karmically, Nova knew what she was getting into when she chose us. We're not just fun - we treat fun like it's a job.